"You can't have kids" - My Birth Story - Part 1

September 11, 2018

 

I was 19 and in total shock. Nobody knew but me. Not even the father. At least not yet.

 

After weeks of deliberating I had decided to keep the baby...MY baby.

 

I had sex ONCE and I got pregnant. 

 

What the frick! It was like a bad joke coming to life. And to top it off the father, my boy friend of 3 years, and I had just broken up BECAUSE we felt guilty about losing our virginity to each other! 

 

Things couldn't get much worse.

 

And then it happened.

 

The doctor said it so matter of factly I nearly threw up, " Well you're not pregnant anymore, You've passed the fetus successfully, so thats good news."

 

"You've miscarried and while that is really common with first pregnancies I am not sure we are looking at normal circumstances here. I see multiple cysts on your ovaries and I think you may have PCOS or endometriosis. You'll need to follow up with a specialist but it is worth noting that both of those  issues make getting pregnant really hard, if not impossible in many cases. But as far as we're concerned here today I'll prescribe some pain meds and you should be good to go." 

 

He was so nonchalant about it all. In the span of 60 seconds I had beed told that I'd definitely lost my baby and might never have children but no biggie" I should be good to go"?!?

 

Sure, I had originally debated whether or not I wanted to keep the pregnancy and twice I had made an appointment at Planned Parenthood, but twice I had backed out!  I just couldn't do it. Didn't that bravery deserve some sort of heavenly merit?

 

After weeks of torment I had finally come to grips with my new future and had even begun getting a little excited about the baby and THIS was how it all ended...sitting in a small, stale room at the University of Texas Student Health Services Center with a small bottle of pain meds, an ocean sized tear in my heart, and a secret. A huge, shameful secret....

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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