Baby Waiting - I want it so badly, but God if you don't want it for me....

November 21, 2019

 

Crap is that blood?

 

FRICK, please don't be blood.

 

Maybe it's implantation bleeding?

 

Ok definitely a period...

 

*sighs* 

 

*quietly cries in the bathroom*

 

*quietly SOBS in the bathroom"

 

But what went wrong?

 

I knew I shouldn't have worked out so many time this week! I should have just rested. Next time if I even sort of think I am pregnant I will NOT be working out for at least 3 weeks. 

 

Or maybe we didn't have enough sex?

 

Or maybe we should track my ovulation better?

 

Or maybe.. oh gosh I don't know. I am just so sad.

 

I'm sad but I am not defeated.

Am I?

No of course not. I trust God's timing. That is what I am supposed to do. It's what I want to do. Why does it feel like its the only thing I CAN'T do. And yet I do....

 

So I'll keep saying that until I believe it. I can trust Him and still cry about this right?

 

This sucks. We haven't been trying all that long, so why am I so bummed? 

 

Pull yourself together there are girls out there who don't even have uteruses! There are women who've been trying for YEARS with not even one pregnancy. AND YOU HAVE A BABY so stop it.

JUST.

STOP IT!

 

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Why is that as soon as you start TRYING to have a baby you can't stop thinking about it.

 

 

 

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